Craigslist unicorns

Is it possible to fall in love with a voice?

I certainly felt the tug in my stomach as I listened to him speak on the phone. Tom had a deep, rich voice that was confidant and somewhat teasing. He had called for us to set up a place and time to meet him and his girlfriend, Diana. I only had a picture of them to contemplate with the voice I heard; in it, he looked like the all-American football player and, she, a pixie of a thing with pale blue eyes.

We had “met” them on Craigslist, that strange place where you can find housing, a dining room set, or a fuck in the woods by someone you’ll never see again. It is surprisingly hard to find sane people on the host of “encounters” pages and my partner and I had been looking for months for another couple to play with as we learned how an open relationship works outside of theoretical scenarios.

Emails  flew back and forth, going from strangely formal introductions and explanations, to more causal flirtatious dialogues and winky emoticons. They, like us, were graduate students, but they were several years ahead of us and seemed much more “with it”. Tom, especially, had had a lot of experience in what some might call “deviant” behavior – meeting and fucking girls around the corner from where he lived as a teen, going to house parties where girls would fuck animals, and inviting groups of men to come fuck his girlfriend while he watched. We were slightly in awe of all the things he had experienced.

Our first meeting was at a bar. They knew the place whereas it was our first time and, while we had all exchanged pictures, it was always a risk that what you got wasn’t what you might actually get. We spotted them and awkwardly wound our way through the maze of patio furniture to their table. We shook hands, which felt laughably, bewilderingly, funny. Like, “hey, we’ve all agreed that we’re going to fuck soon, but pleased to meet you, how are you doing.”

To be honest, I think I had built up the image of what he would look like with that voice that I was actually a bit disappointed at first. While his face was the same, he was heavier than the picture indicated and I was a bit uncertain about how I felt about this. Diana, on the other hand, looked much thinner than in the photo, in more of a pinched way. Afterwards when we discussed the meeting, we were in agreement that they had slightly misled us.

Conversation was bit odd, given that we had already talked about boundaries and fetishes on email, but suddenly were in a situation where we had to quickly round out each others’ personalities. We ate pizza and drank beer like any other table, but I doubt they were discussing getting tested for AIDS or exploring bisexuality.

I noticed an oddity in the conversation which was to be repeated throughout the length of our 4-some: Tom was always the chatty, more extroverted, partner of the two, while Diana tended to stay quiet and only venturing to say something every now and again. It wasn’t clear to me then whether she was nervous, like me (though I tend to chatter away in nerves), disinterested, or cautious. This difference in their separate approach to us would eventually lead to unsettled feelings and be a cause of much distress.

At one point in the evening, Tom and I had been left alone as the other two left to use the bathroom. My hands were sweating nervously, as I didn’t know what to do or say to him, having been a bit bowed over by his presence.  I remember watching his mouth as he turned to speak to me, his lips shifting and showing the even white teeth beneath. He said that he and Diana found us both “hot” but that she was on her period and didn’t want to “do anything” tonight. He was disappointed, he said, but couldn’t wait to see me naked and fuck me. I’ll readily admit that I was already turned on by this point in the evening and this only added a twist to the pleasure.

It is one thing to be in a relationship where it is implicit that you find the other person attractive and it is acceptable and desirable to have your partner tell you that they want to fuck you. It is quite another to have someone you barely know, but find attractive, reciprocate your lustful feelings. I wanted to press myself against him to see what if felt like, to touch his face and kiss his lips, but restraining myself only served to enhance the twist in my stomach in the most pleasing and torturous way.

Saying our good-byes in the parking lot, we got past the handshakes and awkward waves and onto full-on awkward hugs. It felt, again, so ridiculous, this strange almost-pantomime of normality when we were well on our way to a relationship that revolved around fucking each other silly.

The sexual tension that we had built up over the course of the evening – the day, really – barely kept itself together before James and I got home. We were tripping over ourselves trying to get our clothes off as fast as possible and tumbled into bed. We had always had good, satisfying sex, but our senses had been heightened from the meeting and the orgasm was strong and clenching as I came on top of him. He barely lasted a moment longer.

Even though we hadn’t yet fucked them, just the tantalizing possibility had given us both a massive sexual high. When we had caught our breath and hashed through the evening, we hopped back online, only to find an email from them waiting for us.

Locked and loaded

I can only come if my legs are tensed. As much as I love fucking while seated, or bent over, nothing will happen unless my legs can be in a position where they are strained as if waiting to sprint. The only instance where I am able to have a (small) orgasm without this bit of leg-work is if my partner comes while we’re in doggy position and then collapses onto me, his penis still inside. The experience of feeling your partner’s arousal, determination, and release in that position is so stimulating that it sets off mini-waves.

My current partner is not only understanding of this leg issue, but is almost annoyingly perceptive about my sexual quirks and needs, to the point where I’m sure I can’t actually fool him with a faked orgasm. So, yes, any previous partners that experienced me “coming” while in a sexier position than having my legs locked like they’re in an invisible brace have been misled.

It’s interesting to think about this deception.  Is it to protect yourself or the other person? Perhaps your partner isn’t very good at giving what you need to come. Perhaps you want to save their ego (though, letting someone believe that they’re good when they could be better will only benefit the future you or anyone else they may come in contact with, and could stop this cycle of sexual frustration). Perhaps you’re embarrassed to tell them what to do. Or, perhaps you’re embarrassed by what you need in order to make it a go and just decide to fake it until:

1. you break up/stop boning them and you psych yourself up to embrace your needs with your next partner
2. you dig out the words either out of frustration or after having been with them long enough to feel comfortable, at which point it might be a bit awkward to admit that you’ve been faking it the whole time, or
3. they realize that you aren’t actually coming and, through some sexual brain MRI-like powers, are able to deduct what it is you exactly need; this last option seems to be how most people go about it.

My reason for the deception was being a bit embarrassed about needing this configuration of my lower limbs. Only two of my partners are aware of this and I have gone through entire liaisons without ever having had an orgasm due to them. You know the stereotype that, as women age, they tend to know more about what they want and are willing to do what it takes to get it (at least sexually…and in other departments we are still ramming up against the un-justness of the real world)? That is a stereotype that is true for me. That, and finding partners who are determined that you have an orgasm and are active and receptive to doing what needs doing to make it happen. Having those two things collide result in magical sparks when you get down.

But, wait, you say…does that mean you’ve only been able to come with two of your partners? This is actually not true and will have to wait for another day. Let us say that transgressions are extremely hot. Often stupid, but hot.

I’ve wondered about this quirk for many years and the only thing that comes (ha!) to mind is that when I started masturbating as a young child I would engage in frottage – rubbing up against something – with my little blue and yellow teddy bear. I would do it lying on my front with the teddy mashed up against my pubic bone and it is perhaps the result of learning to masturbate in this position that has led me to associate coming with having my legs locked, as you need a bit of leverage with them as you bear down on the bear.

What about you? Do you need certain things to be “right” before you can finish? Is it a certain position? Being the dominant or submissive one? Hearing your partner moan or absolute silence? Do let me know in the comments.